Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
