Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
