So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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