My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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