I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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