So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
