i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
