WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
