I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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