you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
