Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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