Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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