What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
