I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
