when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We have started to decorate penises.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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