I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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