Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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