I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you never un-have a 4some
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