is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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