She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
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I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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