Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
