We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
