was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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