i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
