i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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