had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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