I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
