perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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