After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
