sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
