her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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