I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
