i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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