i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize