dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
