Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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