I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
