I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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