I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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