i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
