i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
