We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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