coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
