the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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