When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
