im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
