I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Randomize
