Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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