I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
