were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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