the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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