I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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