guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
