Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
