she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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