my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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