My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
