the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
