I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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