I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
