ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
