Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
