3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
