how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
