I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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