I seem to have left my pride at pride
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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