I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
