So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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