Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
