worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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