YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
